LEARNING TO FORGIVE FEBRUARY.
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The following piece was written by Pamela Perez– a More Love Letters team writer with a heart the size of Kentucky. Connect with her here.
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I’ve been learning how to breathe again.
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Sometimes I think we have to start over to get anywhere. And sometimes we have to really, really Start. Over. Like breathing.
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I’ve been learning to let go.
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If I hold the hand of some memory, some sorrow, some person…a madness will drift between my bones and drink me away until I am a slowly falling imprint left in the air. Letting go …is for me. Forgiving is for the sake of my molecules healing and my heart being whole and my mind finding a peace to live with.
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I’ve been learning how to love.
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Maybe for the first time ever. I hadn’t realized or grasped that I should be head over heels in love with myself before I tried loving anyone else. That memo never skimmed the top of my desk, or perhaps it did but it got buried under life’s many tasks and errands. I’ve been trying really hard on this one. Writing up my own rules as I go along, creating a manifesto of all the things that make me happy and make me the sum total in my life. The things that make me me.
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I’ve been learning to forgive February.
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She bustles in every year just when my muscles can’t stand the cold any longer. I know she means well, but her broad smile and flowing skirt always make me sad. She comes decorated in sunset colors and paper hearts. But I am fragile—too fragile to even look her in the eye. It was only recently that I realized I had manipulated the words she announced. I thought she said February is only for lovers. But really she said: she is for those in love. If you listen carefully, you can hear the wispy breath of a difference right between those words.
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I am in love; in love with love and family and friends, neighbors, professors, advisors, co-workers, movies, books, writing, art—in love with people who have moved to other countries, but still have cozy spots in my heart. In love with peers who live down the street, who still smile and wave when our paths mingle. In love with my life, even the parts that make me work a little harder to smile every day. I try to celebrate love every day of my life, but in February I will climb to the roof of my house and I sing about it.
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February is a loud drama queen, but she means well. Forgive her if she makes you sad. Celebrate alongside the people you do love. Celebrate the ability to love! Start over if you have to…from the very beginning where learning and newness is tucked into the corner of every word and thing. Re-learn what love is. Re-learn what life is. Re-learn to love you. Make them all your own, with your own definitions, meanings, pictures. Re-learn what February means…or any month or week or day or moment for that matter, because they are all worth hugs and kisses and cards brimming with honesty and utter adoration.
https://twitter.com/Pamela_Loving
Thank you, Pamela, for so beautifully articulating the very journey I’m on right now! I’ve had to learn to forgive, not just February, but those who have hurt me (intentionally or not) and myself. Healing is a process,and like all good things, it takes time. I’ve come to see that falling doesn’t mean failing, that strength comes in learning to rise from the ashes of your self-made misery and take that dizzying flight into the bright, wild blue yonder and bring as many wounded hearts as you can along for the ride!
I needed to hear this message, glad you posted it.Beautiful and thoughtful letter;well said!
beautifully said… or written