An HR Gal's Perspective on Responding to Nasty Emails
Jennifer Pryslak
Jennifer is a double-decade HR gal with a side of the same timeframe in the creative sector. She loves to write and will do it at the keyboard as readily as she will with lipstick on the bathroom mirror, or a rock on the sidewalk. A vintage typewriter? Yes, please! She has kept every hand-written letter she’s ever received. She happily lives and works in Vermont with her beloved partner Benjamin and their rag-tag bunch of rescued animals, enjoys photography and cooking and any other creative pursuit she can get her hands on. She is the humbled and grateful mama of a fabulous boy named Sean. Connect with her on Instagram, @jlpdotcompany, or her website http://www.jlpdotcompany.com.
It happened. Toxicity in your inbox. Clean up in aisle 7. Now what do you do?
You have the power to transform that uncomfortable moment into something much more needed in the world, I believe. Love. And compassion. Here’s how.
Take a Deep Breath
In through the nose. Hold it. Rise to the sun. Open up that space. Transform that stressful exchange’s shrapnel in your mind into something that is soft and vulnerable, pliable, and more easily elicits a compassionate response. It’s easier to hold and mold that way.
Exhale
Here’s where the magic happens. You exhale. But you won't breathe out the stuff you inhaled. It’s something so much better now. And you’re putting it out there. Making the world a better place. It’s the exhale that matters in the move from tox to detox. You have this transformative power. Breathe in. Breathe out. And the more you practice this conscious transformation of anything unpleasant, the more it becomes your norm. It becomes love.
Step Away
If you’re not ready for an exhale that’s full of compassion, make the choice to step away. A new vantage point might not be found in the same spot that brought upon discomfort – maybe it’s elsewhere. Seek, and ye might find.
Respond – but not with an email
Do something different. Shake it up. What if you inhaled, exhaled, and stepped away…and knocked on the emailer’s office door? Face-to-face exchanges are less common these days. The shock of it might get their attention. It’s human. And has a great deal of positive power. There’s real good change in the air right there.
DON’T write that nasty response, just to NOT hit send
This is uncommon guidance. Here’s why you might NOT want to take this popular road. Even though it’s not being read, it’s out there. In the universe. Its existence in the ether makes it no better than the original on some levels, I believe. And while writing it, you’re tense and angry. It serves neither the original writer nor the receiver well. I recommend spending energy on transforming the situation to something that feels good to all parties. Even if it falls flat, you’re not contributing to the original ball of negativity that was hurled into cyberspace and landed, unwelcome, in your inbox this morning.
Besides, what if you accidentally hit send? Oops. Now you’re off and running in a bad direction and you’ve added to your stress, and everyone else’s. Don’t go there, and you won’t have to worry about the fallout. If you’ve ever accidentally hit “send” or “reply all” you know this to be true. Leave that letter (email) unwritten, I say.
Textual healing, baby - If you do decide to respond, do it kindly
Read and re-read that email until you can see what it looks like under a cultivated perspective of courageously conjured compassion. Empathy. Not always easy. You feel you’re the victim of the writer’s non bon mots (you are), but with a compassionate response that addresses their pain points, you’ll begin to heal any wounds that the original note may have inflicted – upon the writer and the receiver. Everybody wins. And you lead them to victory.
Hit delete
Sometimes it’s just not worth it to give it any more time or energy than the reading of it has already taken from you. Hit delete. Letting it live in your inbox gives it a longer shelf life than it may deserve. It’s like the bad apple in the peck that ruins all the others. In that case, keep it simple. Throw it away.
Whatever you decide to do, do it from an authentic and cultivated place of compassion that is true to you. It’s what the love-ly people do. That’s you, I believe. More love letters. It’s what we do. Me and you. May your inbox be filled with love and compassion, and let it begin with you.