On the surface, toxic positivity can appear benign. Shouldn’t we encourage moving past pain? Toxic positivity, however, is not about healing as much as it is about denial– a refusal to acknowledge experience as it actually is, in favor of a more sanitized, palatable version of reality that doesn't require sustained attention or effort to manage.

Here’s a non-exhaustive list of how you can show up for a friend who has experienced

pregnancy loss (or how to ask your friends to show up for you):

What would happen though, if instead of looking at our feet, waiting for the next thing to run us over, we trusted our balance. We trusted that we can remain steady, and that if we fall, we will still be ok. And even if we aren’t ok--we will get there.

I don’t know who’s missing from the family picture that no one wants to actually take.

But I think I just wanted to be a voice in the conversation. I wanted you to know that I’m with you. That someone out there is also going to be crying in front of the Christmas tree out of sadness, exhaustion, loneliness, and grief.

Sadly, your friend or loved one has just been diagnosed with cancer. You want to write to them, but you don’t have a clue what to say. That is completely normal. Perhaps you’re tempted to wait until you find the perfect card or the perfect words – and so you write nothing. Hopefully, you already believe that writing to someone is an excellent thing to do (I don’t imagine you would be reading the More Love Letters blog if you didn’t), so here are some hints and tips which will, hopefully, encourage you to put pen to paper.

Hard feelings look different for everyone. For some, it’s paralyzing; you feel like your brain is put on pause from too many thoughts flying around. For some, it can manifest as physiological symptoms: headaches, stomachaches, fatigue, insomnia.

As many of us prepare to end our summer by jumping back on the computer (for work or school or date nights), there are some ways we can be proactive in battling the endless cycle of cyber meetings:

Let’s look like hope for one another, showing up over and over with the simple reminder of our presence that everything may not be okay, but we can be not okay together. And if there are days we simply don’t want to talk about it, let’s laugh.